Through the looking-glass: An introduction to autism and me

“For me, the key significance of the Autism Spectrum lies in its call for and anticipation of a politics of neurological diversity, or ‘neurodiversity… The rise of neurodiversity takes postmodern fragmentation one step further. Just as the postmodern era sees every once too-solid belief melt into air, even our most taken-for-granted assumptions: that we all… see, feel, touch, hear, smell, and sort information, in more or less the same way… are being dissolved.”

Judy Singer, “Why Can’t You Be Normal for Once in Your Life?”, 1999

I found this quote as part of my research into the history of neurodiversity for my research this year, and it articulates very well something I’ve always been very insistent about – I cannot tell anyone “what it’s like to be autistic”. Being autistic is engrained into my subjective perception of the world and the way I interact with it. I can no more explain it properly than anyone could explain what it’s like to not be autistic. The world allistic people inhabit is a looking-glass world, sharing the same time and space as the world I live in, but in many ways it seems to me an entirely different, alien place.

There are many theories that try to explain “the autistic worldview” to allistic readers. The “magical world” theory suggests that many of the problems autistic people face could be the result of “predictive impairments”, lacking the imperceptible cognitive skills that allow allistic people to understand changes in their environment. I personally don’t find this particularly helpful as a method for explaining the differences between my experience of the world and those of allistic people – understanding the purpose of the whine of the fan in the background as I write does not make it any less distracting.

The “intense world” theory makes a little more sense to me. Henry and Kamila Markram argue that the atypical behaviours of autistic individuals are the result of an overwhelming level of sensory input – autistic brains pick up on and process information so quickly it rapidly becomes overwhelming, and thus certain sections of the brain – social skills and awareness in my case – do not develop normally. However, this theory doesn’t explain the hyposensitivity experienced by some of us – in my case a lowered ability to register cold or pressure.

Because of this inability to articulate either an “autistic” or “allistic” experience of the world, I am not sure how helpful my writings about autism are going to be to the world at large. So, consider my writings about autism notes from my side of the looking glass, describing the only world I’ve ever experienced to you, inhabitants of parallel but potentially entirely alien universes. Whether this world is “magical” or “intense” or entirely comprehensible will be entirely based on how similar your world is to mine, and I cannot claim to offer insight into the worlds experienced by others. Don’t read these blog posts as an example of the autistic experience, but feel free to tell me how closely my world maps to yours.